Ever tell a lie? Well … I have! And I know beyond the shadow of any doubt that I am not alone. In fact, I am in the vast majority of human beings who have at least once fibbed, exaggerated, twisted reality and the truth for my own needs and wants, and manipulated others I care about into believing my trumped-up falsehoods.

Why do people lie? What’s in it for us to do so, and what’s in it for others to accept and believe the lies? Is it collusion or delusion? Perhaps, if we take the time to understand the psychology of lying, we may have more power to control and even curtail it. First, to deter defensiveness, let’s understand that lying is an inherent part of the human condition and tradition. There are times and places, reasons and seasons, excuses and explanations of all sorts for why we lie. It’s not abnormal; unless compulsive and undeterred, it does not necessarily make or break a person. Lying is generally unethical and can be illegal.

Why do we lie? Is it to cut corners? Is it to make ourselves look better? Is it to curry favor? Do we lie to protect ourselves and/or others? Or to maintain safety? Perhaps to minimize damage to our image/brand/vision/selfhood? Are we ashamed of, or embarrassed by, the truth? Is “the truth” too painful to bear? The questions we ask to understand human motivation and behavior are necessary.

Rules and mores of most cultures are designed to minimize lying, protect the truth, and enable people everywhere to live in “civil” society. Truth, when spoken and received, allows us to base our behaviors, actions, and thoughts on information that is supposed to be objective for everyone. The definition of truth is “the property of being in accord with fact or reality.”

Much of what we read and see in the media is not necessarily truth — it is opinion and analysis, laced with biases and seen through the lenses of an individual or organization. If information and data do not favor a particular person, group, or party, “truth” is often “spun” to fit the needs of those holding power or reporting it. This becomes distortion, exaggeration, and deliberate manipulation of an objective truth. When this happens, people are apt to become confused since they are unsure what to believe and what they can and should do based on what they hear, read, or see. This is what happens in any highly bifurcated society.

When people in authority mangle truth to fit their own needs, we call it lying. It is a human aspiration to gear our belief systems and our ethics towards understanding ourselves, others, and the world in ways we deem to be honest and sincere, with personal integrity. When the powerful are put on the defensive and held accountable and responsible for their statements, too often their default response is to lie, to blame others, and absolve themselves of any wrongdoing whatsoever.

Why do we need truth — “the truth”? Even if it is uncomfortable, painful possibly, it is an anchor to adhere to, and something to strategize around. Truth serves as a baseline indicator of what is real, what is factual and may be authenticated by objective sources. Truth is not selfish and is not intended to serve only those whom it supposedly favors. Truth is not elective or selective; it cannot be randomized and should not be politicized for the gain of only a few. Being true and, most importantly, speaking truth to yourself is also a crucial part of truth.

There are situations where it becomes beneficial to calibrate the truth and not necessarily share all of what we know to be true in its entirety. This may be appropriate in order to protect oneself or others, and/or to remove oneself from immediate or imminent danger. Similarly, there may be times when a lie may serve (at least temporarily) to protect someone from harm, pain, or suffering, especially when the full truth has not yet appeared or become clear as it might later on.

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Holding to truth, in good times and bad, is difficult, even tenuous. Witness those across time, place, and space who have paid for their truth-sharing with their lives. To all of this, many people have attested to the power of truth-telling. Oscar Wilde wrote, “The truth is rarely pure and never simple,” while Thomas Jefferson noted that “honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom.” Palestinian political leader Ismail Haniyeh has said, “some people think that the truth can be hidden with a little cover-up and decoration. But as time goes by, what is true is revealed, and what is fake fades away.” W. Somerset Maugham wrote, “the fact that a great many people believe something is not guarantee of its truth.” Finally, former First Lady Michelle Obama has stated,“we learn about honesty and integrity … that the truth matters … that you don’t take shortcuts or play by your own set of rules … and success doesn’t count unless and until you earn it fair and square.”

The decision to speak, live in, and hold the truth, whatever it may be, is entirely up to each of us as individuals, and to all of us collectively. We all matter, and so does truth. It is not easy to uphold, but it is real and palpable, and we should cherish the opportunity we have to live in and with it, always.

Daniel Cantor Yalowitz writes a regular column in the Recorder. A developmental and intercultural psychologist, he has facilitated change in many organizations and communities around the world. His two most recent books are “Journeying with Your Archetypes” and “Reflections on the Nature of Friendship.” Reach out to him at danielcyalowitz@gmail.com.