By DANIEL CANTOR YALOWITZ

To stay alive takes real courage in difficult times. Here in the U.S., as in so many places around the globe, we are deep in one of these challenging periods. There is a way out, or a way through. We are better off if we can move forward together, rather than in frozen cliques, groups, and political parties.

Much has been written in this space about change. In my understanding and experience, moving forward essentially comes down to one thing: the courage to accept and embrace change, and, in the process, letting go of the omnipresent need for power and control.

Human beings are habitual creatures, creating and endeavoring to maintain daily routines and live within them. Many of us like — and even take for granted — the creature comforts that we seek to sustain in our lives. In fact, “comfort” can be addicting, so much so that some folks say they cannot live without it. The notion that change is really the only guaranteed experience (other than birth and death) is an extraordinary contradiction to our quest for habit and routine. It’s easy to become discombobulated when change is forced upon us from the outside.

Yet all we see, hear about and experience is focused on the short- and long-term impact of change. There is no permanence in life. For some, that is what they yearn for: to live long, healthy and forever; to maintain marriages and friendships for a lifetime; to not age or change; and to keep things always organized and in place. But life itself gets in the way — it is the natural state of things to shift from one state or way of being to another.

Change itself comes in two basic forms: the predictable and the unpredictable. Sometimes we choose to change things within and around us. This type of change allows us control and power, and we are thankful that we can select how and what we wish to change, and where and when.

We “change” our clothes, most of us, on a daily or at least regular basis. Our shopping, food, and meal choices may change from meal to meal, day to day. We do have some (limited) choices in who we vote for. We can change our names through marriage or preference. The opportunity to change our religion or faith is ours to make. Now, we can even choose to transition from one gender to another.

But we cannot change everything, no matter how much we might wish to. No one has that much power, control and autonomy. Things like height, age, our genetic code, handedness, and other aspects of our lives are born into us and we have little choice but to accept — or fight — them. The lack of control or power we have as individuals to affect these life elements can be infuriating to some people. It takes courage to change and make changes in one’s life; similarly, it takes courage to accept the things we cannot change and learn to live in peace and equanimity with them.

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The very concept and pragmatic reality of change can be scary for many people. This fear — and the anxiety attached to it — is based in part on not knowing any outcomes or consequences, as well as fear around losing whatever power and control we may have in our lives. The very perception we have that we might be able to influence change can have both a calming and chilling effect.

Traveling to and through new places is one of these life experiences — the excitement is to some extent mitigated or balanced out by our inability to change what we don’t understand. When fear is activated, reactivity, awkwardness, and even withdrawal become possible responses. While these may not be the most courageous ways of accepting change, they are real and not at all uncommon. What is courageous in these circumstances is to be able to admit our fears and our anxieties and own them responsibly.

Accepting the inevitability of change with grace is sometimes counterintuitive. Particularly in our current supercharged political environment, no politician and neither party wants to give up whatever hard-earned victories it has claimed. Graceful aging is never as smooth as it seems. Sibling rivalry occurs when we realize that our newest, youngest sister or brother is simply not going away. Breaking up is never easy. Yet all of these are changes that occur daily around the world.

So, when all is said and done, what does it take to have the courage to accept and embrace change? Here are just a few considerations worthy of our discernment: good practices with regard to self-care; patience and tolerance of differences between self and others; having and holding a larger perspective; knowing that everything is impermanent; respectfully questioning authority; keeping hope alive; and understanding that what impacts one impacts all. Not a bad set of values and virtues to live by!

Daniel Cantor Yalowitz writes a regular column in the Recorder. A developmental and intercultural psychologist, he has facilitated change in many organizations and communities around the world. His two most recent books are “Journeying with Your Archetypes” and “Reflections on the Nature of Friendship.” Reach out to him at danielcyalowitz@gmail.com.